"Intelligence" Gathering

[red_room]

Natasha literally cannot believe this worked.

They sure don't make henchmen assassins the way they used to.

The door is simple, nondescript. Standard hinge placement says it's American. The other side is equally ordinary, while being just bare enough to scream 'safe house' to any seasoned agent. It's a perfectly acceptable but sparsely decorated sitting room. Throw rug placed just randomly enough to likely be covering a cache of sorts, or a hidden room.

"Want anything to drink?"

Comments

Enter, the Better Idiot

[aw_hawkguy]

Clint follows Natasha into her universe, looking around as he does. The decor certainly looks like one of Nat's safe houses. "Y'got any coffee?" And, since they were having a conversation a moment ago, he carries it on. "I dunno, maybe your Clint screws up his life less. I mean, I blew it with Bobbi, pretty sure I wrecked whatever I had with Jess... and really, I don't know what a kid could do bad enough to deserve me as a dad."

[red_room]

That's fine. He's welcome to get a good look at the place.

The door creaks as it swings closed.

"Like you'd agree to come if I didn't." She's even heading toward the kitchen area.

click

In fact, 'Clint Barton' why don't you take a nice long look at the wood grain on the floor. Real close. Please ignore all seeming shooting pain of a woman sitting on the small of your back twisting your arm against your spine. That is purely there to intensify the experience of the exquisite quality of the grain.

"Start talking, goon. If you wanted me to play nice, you shouldn't have tried to masquerade as Agent Barton." There's literally no way this poor sucker could have picked a worse person than Natasha Romanoff's best friend to try to be. Except you know. Another Clint Barton. Maybe she didn't buy that story? It's looking like that's a distinct no.

So, you know, your average interaction between Clint Barton and women.

[aw_hawkguy]

"Oof!" On the one hand, ow. On the other hand, this is Hawkeye talking; he manages to rock forward a little with being thrown to the floor, enough to arch his back, bracing one foot on the floor and kicking up behind his back at the back of her head. "Agent Barton? Aw, dammit, I'm in a spy movie!"

[red_room]

Okay that's a pretty good move. It's actually something Clint would do, too. Maybe he's better at fighting than he is at acting or lying. Good news is dodging means she had to get off of him.

Bad news is she's going for her guns.

"You know? Maybe I should get a photo before I wreck that face of yours. Clint would love to hear this."

[aw_hawkguy]

Nat's going for her guns, sure. What does Clint go for? The rug. Just a desperate grab-and-throw to keep her from getting a bead on him while he lunges in close enough that pistols are a bad idea. "Dammit, Nat, I told ya I'm not your Clint, I'm just a Clint. Futzing Nexus!"

[red_room]

Pistols are never a bad idea. Pistol whipping is the greatest pairing of words that has ever happened.

Aside from perhaps 'Dog' and 'Cops' if you're Clint. Speaking of being Clint, he is quick enough to block all attempts at the greatest pairing of words ever. What a philistine.

It's not until he's got one of Nat's wrists in hand and moved between her other arm and her body that Natasha stops. She's been here before. Honestly, fighting at the beginning would have been much easier and quicker, because what Barton's saying is actually beginning to make sense.

He knows her moves. He's the only one who knows her moves.

She just stops. And there's this one awful moment where the Black Widow's mask crumbles and there is a very confused, very unsure Natasha looking at him.

"This is slightly awkward."

[aw_hawkguy]

"Ya think?" Yes, he knows Nat's moves. This Nat fights like his Nat, as his fresh bruises can readily attest. And he knows her moves. Which is why he also knows that this momentary hesitation is either going to turn into reconciliation, or she's going to break his nose with her forehead the second he relaxes.

"Okay, look: I've got an ID card in my wallet. Avengers ID. I'm not Agent anything, I don't have laser cigarettes or, or exploding pens. Just lemme get my wallet, and I can show you my card. Also, I'm gonna need a sec to put my hearing aids back in."

[red_room]

"..Okay." He should not fall for that a second time. But this time she means it. She's even putting the guns down as a showing of good faith. Gonna toe at that throw rug she totally shot though.

She liked this one. Well, now it has character. Just like the man she's watching get his stuff in order.

No apologies. Not yet. She's still waiting.

[aw_hawkguy]

Clint's true to his word, putting a hearing aid back in with one hand while he (slowly, carefully, letting Nat see every move and scrutinize it and judge it non-threatening) retrieves his wallet with the other. Flipping it open, he shows her the Avengers ID with his photo on it. His in-costume photo (no, it's not the Hawkskirt, unless Jim somehow pranked him hard). "There. Avengers ID. Stark cooked 'em up. You've prob'ly got something similar."

[red_room]

"..Sorry about that." Yeah, all is forgiven. In fact, she's the one who needs to be apologizing. "When they said 'intelligence gathering' this wasn't what I had in mind."

Guns get put away. Throw rug gets put back in place. And coffee will get made.

"...You have two kids and a third on the way. The safehouse is your home. Farm in upstate New York. Cute things. They call me Auntie when I come over." No emotion. Well, that's not true. Nat wants him to know who he is in her world. "...You work with me. SHIELD, before it was gone. Avengers, until recently. Most everyone retired but me and the old man. Training a new team now." Every word measured and calm, never looking up while she makes coffee. Just the way he likes it.

She's even got a chipped purple mug he gets his poured into.

"...I owe you a lot, here."

[aw_hawkguy]

That's... a lot to process. Clint's going to need a minute. "Huh. Okay, that other me I met had kids, too. Maybe I'm the odd man out."

Hello coffee, my old friend! I've come to choke on you when Nat drops bombshells. "SHIELD is gone?! Seriously? What happened?"

[red_room]

"HYDRA infiltrated SHIELD. All the way to the top. Made Cap and I into criminals. Used Steve's old friend against him by turning him into a biological killing machine who ruined my bikini season. ...Nearly killed Nick Fury. It all went straight to hell. We're working on it, but things are..." Shrug.

"You're a pretty great dad, by the way." Let's focus on the good news, and not HYDRA, The Winter Soldier, Ultron, or any of that other stuff. Nat's tired of the other stuff. It's been a rough while for her.

[aw_hawkguy]

He sighs. "Man, HYDRA. Hate those guys. We had the Red Skull as secretary of state, one time. Long story."

Hearing other-him is a good dad gets a smile, at least. "Yeah? Well, that's good. Who's the lady crazy enough to put up with me? Is it Bobbi?"

[red_room]

"Her name's Laura." Natasha is staring down into her cup of coffee. After a long moment, she'll get up and go open up her cache. Passports, weapons, disguises. Standard items. Underneath is a hidden panel and an even deeper cache.

Out of there, she retrieves a small envelope and hands it to Clint. It's just one photo, wrapped in a hand written letter.

For your inevitable old-lady scrapbook:

From last year's 4th of July barbecue. The kids wouldn't stop talking about the fun they had with you watching 'em. Thanks from the Bartons, 'Auntie' Natasha.

It's a photo of Clint in a ridiculous grill apron, with a dark haired woman at his side, and two kids waving eagerly into the camera. All happy, smiling faces.

"...I know it's a liability for me to keep that. I try to be careful with it."

[aw_hawkguy]

Clint looks over the picture and smiles. Laura. She's not anyone he knows, but that looks like quite the happy family. Folding everything up carefully, he hands it back. "If there's anyone I know who can keep something like that safe, it's you. Thanks for sharing."

[red_room]

"....We kept it secret form everyone. Nick helped. Even the Avengers didn't know about it until.." Shrug. "Recently. So, when you say you met someone you're related to I wouldn't sell yourself short."

Okay that's enough feels. Natasha puts is away and smirks.

"I mean, don't give yourself too much credit either, Barton. Your kids still get stuck with half your DNA."

[aw_hawkguy]

"Well, thanks. This guy, he's the captain of a space ship. You wouldn't believe how much we're alike. Get into the same kinds'a trouble, have the same kinds'a fun, mostly. He's even from Iowa, can you believe it?"

[red_room]

"So wait, he's an adult? Your kid? Damn Clint, you work fast." Natasha carefully puts her cache back in order and tidies up. "Is he as 'charming' as his Daddy?" Snicker, and a shake of the head to let him know she's only teasing.

Nat can be more like herself around Clint. More than she can with anyone else. Especially since...yeah, not dealing with that right now.

"I'll be around a lot more often. I'm on assignment there. Fury wants me to collect some information."

[aw_hawkguy]

"He's not my kid, he's like, my great-great-great-grandkid or something. Time travel." He smirks. "He does seem to have the family charm, yeah. "Goes up in space and hits on all the aliens--and only half try to kill him."

Clint can see a shadow of something in her expression--so like the Nat he knows--but he knows well enough to leave it alone (and that with Nat, there's always a shadow; she's Russian).

"Yeah, I'll bet he does. What's he got you lookin' for? Cosmic cube, Galactus' loofah?

[red_room]

"Any high-threat individuals I need to report. You have no idea how many people we had to buy off and shut up to secure the doorway for Avengers use. So far I'm the only one on assignment. Cap's training the newbies and...like I said, everyone else retired."

As much as an Avenger who isn't dead or crippled can retire. Unless you're the Hulk, in which case you fuck off whenever it pleases you and--damn, not. Dealing. With this. Right now. Twitch.

"Anyway, I heard some intel there's a Cap on your side too. That's...convenient. Yours or a whole 'nother one?"

[aw_hawkguy]

"Heh. Fury just wants a roll call--don't let 'em through the door, there's no hi-threat anybody. Uh, mostly--there was that demon thing a while back."

Retired? That doesn't sound like any Avenger he knows. Back-benching it on the reserve list, sure, but once an Avenger, always an Avenger.

"Uh, not exactly a Cap. There's a Steve Rogers, though, decent guy--like that's a shock."

[red_room]

"Fury doesn't want anyone invading through yet another portal we can't close. And since I know this is a case where Cap would agree with Fury if he had been filled in, I jumped at the chance to go."

There's never really retirement, but Natasha knows that Clint and Tony especially need some time away. They've more than earned it.

"Demons." It's a question even when it doesn't sound like it. All the more reason she should be here, then. "Where do they fall on the scale from HYDRA thug to Ch'tari invasion?"

[aw_hawkguy]

"'Yet another?' Ch'tari? How many portals you got openin' up?"

He's curious, but he doubts he'll get the whole story. Not telling Cap also doesn't sit well with him, but he knows better than to lecture the super-spy.

"Uh, I don't know Ch'tari, so I'll say... worse than the Kree, but not as bad as Thanos. Pretty close, though. If you get any, call Doc Strange first, don't let Tony pull that 'all magic can be explained' crap."

[red_room]

"...What's a Kree?" Pause. "Alien invasion?"

They can agree on that term right? it's probably the same thing.

[aw_hawkguy]

"Huh. Haven't run into the Kree yet. Okay, they're human-lookin', except they're blue, but they can make themselves pink if they try. They're sorta space-fascists, and they're ruled by a big, giant head. Their capital's a world called Hala, and they're at war with the Skrulls from Andromeda. They're mostly jerks, but there's some good ones, too."

He nods. "Alien invasion. Like I said, jerks."

[red_room]

"Ch'tari were aliens too. Came from a portal created by the Tesseract. ...Shiny blue cube. Please don't ever touch it. I...don't want you to have to go through that, too. It..wasn't pleasant for you."

A nice way of relating that story, to say the very least.

"Also maybe stay away from Loki."

[aw_hawkguy]

"A shiny cube you're not supposed to touch--the Cosmic Cube? Yeah, not touchin' that, no way."

"Loki is... complicated. And a really long story that I don't know all of."

[red_room]

"...No. He took you from us. Made you do--It doesn't matter Clint. Don't go near Loki. Any Loki. I don't.."

I don't want to lose you again.

Nat's not certain she could handle losing anyone else right now. When did she go so soft?

"Just trust me on that one."

[aw_hawkguy]

"Okay. I'll stay away from Lokis, I promise." That's going to be an interesting promise to keep, given that there's a kid Loki running around in the Nexus, and that he's friends with Verity, but what is life if not interesting?

[red_room]

"...Thanks. I'm looking out for you. Your reckless ass has a tendency to jump headlong into danger to save friends." Still, Natasha seems less tense at the promise.

"I'll give you the code to this door. In case I ever need backup. In case you ever need me."

[aw_hawkguy]

"Thanks. For all of it." Clint's smile grows into a grin because yeah, his reckless ass totally jumps into danger. "I'll keep it quiet."

[red_room]

"I'd apologize for threatening to break you but holy hell you are a dumbass sometimes." Natasha shakes her head and sighs. Pauses, and then in fluid sign language:

You talk too well for always having been deaf. DId something happen I should be careful of?

[aw_hawkguy]

Clint signs back, doubt it. You said I left my place in Bed-Stuy, that's where this happened. Some tracksuit mafia, a real East European grab-bag, were fighting with me over my building. Their hit-clown stabbed me in the ears and shot Barney. Dick. They're dealt with.

The sign for "hit-clown" is probably an interesting one.

[red_room]

You realize we're going to make up our own codenames/signs for everyone, right? That's half the fun of this language.

Natasha smirks at Clint's signing for 'hit clown' because he's already doing it. She also makes a mental note to find Clint's door and add a few people to her list. No one hurts her friends and gets away with it.

"I've already got one for you. DO you prefer to be--"

Coffee Zombie? Or Poor Life Choices?

[aw_hawkguy]

Clint gives her a look of reproach.

What do you call your me?

[red_room]

Natasha's fingers stutter.

"My Clint was sent to kill me. He made a different call. Then again, he also makes calls to jump off of buildings and taunt villains daily. He's affectionately both of those names, too. That's why I asked."

It's difficult to keep in mind that they are strangers, no matter how much he resembles her friend. She shouldn't even trust him.


"I take it you and I are not so close as to tease, in your world."

[aw_hawkguy]

"Well, I try, but you like to do that 'stoic Russian' thing. We've... got some kinda history, though. When I was starting out, she played me like a fiddle more'n once. Yay Cold War, huh?" Doesn't he seem a little young for that? "If it's a choice, I think I'd rather be Coffee Zombie. Heh, the zombie sign's fun."

[red_room]

Eh the Berlin wall didn't come down until '89 in her world, so that's not THAT long ago probably. She does think they're both a bit young for the hardcore cold war stories though.

"It can change as often as you'd like. I only picked this up for silent communication. That was before cell phones though."

[aw_hawkguy]

"Fair enough. Heh, coffee zombie--I think I've got next Halloween nailed down."